The issue of relationships are the key problems in the society today.
People and the society this days have so misunderstood phrases like Relationship, Dating , Singleness and being Unmarried to the point that many have lost their way as to the meaning of these words.
As such people get under stress due to lack of understanding of what this enigmatic phrases really means and requires.
I would hold off on Dating since it has much to do with, but will certainly be talked about in the subsequent discussions.
So let's kick off talking about RELATIONSHIPS
There are two kinds of relationship i would like us to emphasis with respect to their priorities.
This includes:
*INTRA-PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP...This has to do with yourself first.
*INTER-PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP...This of course is the usual relationship people often go after with another person.
Imperatively, Intra personal relationship is the first everyone should sort after even before thinking about engaging into an Inter - personal relationship reasons of which we will discuss in the course of this adventure.
Until you get your intra personal relationship sorted out, you can't help but fail in your interpersonal relationship.
To start with let's understand some of the advantages of being SINGLE:=
It's more important to be single than to be married....'though statement right?' Just hang on cos you'd fine clarity as to why that statement is True.
This is perhaps why divorce is rampant because the individuals that made up that marriage weren't SINGLE before getting into the union
In reality, most people try to get married in order for them to avoid being single...'how sad it sounds'
In order for us to strike an understanding of the word SINGLE, let's understand first it priority and purpose. ...
GOD being the creature of all things created things in order of priority first and then the adjoining preferences afterwards.
So God created a single individuals first (Adam and afterwards made Eve for Adam as helper)and said this is good, He didn't create a MARRIAGE or a COUPLE meaning that, for the said marriage to exist you need two SINGLE individuals to make that possible.
Further down the creation process He said that ....'it's not good for this single individual to be alone'.
When God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18),
He was saying, in essence, “I will make someone who will solve the male’s aloneness.”
Now, Adam did not go looking for a wife.
She was God’s idea for him.
Adam was so busy doing what God had told him to do that he didn’t even know he needed a woman.
God had to tell him, “Man, it’s not good for you to be alone.”
Note that God didn’t say Adam was lonely.
There is a difference between “being alone” and “being lonely.”
You can be lonely in a crowd, but you can be alone and be as happy as a lark.
There is nothing wrong with being alone at times.
The Bible tells us that it’s important to be alone and quiet before the Lord.
Jesus often made it a point to go off by Himself in order to pray and rest.
Being alone can be healthy, but loneliness is a disease.
Some of you single men and women are afraid of being alone.
When you hit age twenty-five, you begin to think you’re past your prime, and so you say to yourselves, “I’m never going to get married.
I’d better latch onto the first thing that comes along.”
That’s the reason many people marry spouses who aren’t right for them.
Do you know what the problem is? They haven’t learned what it means to be a whole person.
Adam was so together as a man that he didn’t even know he was alone.
He was busy obeying God’s Word; he was so occupied with dominating, ruling, and subduing; he was so lost in what he was doing, that he didn’t know he needed somebody.
But most of us do the reverse.
We don’t have time for God because we’re busy trying to find a mate.
Some people run from church to church looking for a spouse.
They don’t go to church to worship God; instead, they walk around checking out the opposite sex.
They say, “Huh, that’s a nice one over there.
Really cool.” Instead, they’re supposed to be getting themselves together so they can be ready for the one whom God is preparing for them.
Become so preoccupied and consumed by God that you don’t walk around with a passion that’s looking for a place to happen.
Adam was so prepared for Eve that when he saw her, all he said was, “Woooo-man!”
But you see, he didn’t go looking for her.
Jesus talked about the attitude we should have when He said, in effect, “Don’t worry about what you’re going to eat, what you’re going to wear, or whom you’re going to marry.
Seek first the kingdom of God.
Become immersed in His righteousness.
Then your mate will be added to you.” (See Matthew 6:31–33.)
Become like Adam—get lost in the garden of God’s righteousness.
Get lost in God, because when He brings you a spouse, you had better understand His ways.
Adam was so busy following the command of God that, when his mate came along, he was ready, and it was the right time for him.
When God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18),
He was saying, in essence, “I will make someone who will solve the male’s aloneness.”
Now, Adam did not go looking for a wife.
She was God’s idea for him.
Adam was so busy doing what God had told him to do that he didn’t even know he needed a woman.
God had to tell him, “Man, it’s not good for you to be alone.”
Note that God didn’t say Adam was lonely.
There is a difference between “being alone” and “being lonely.”
You can be lonely in a crowd, but you can be alone and be as happy as a lark.
There is nothing wrong with being alone at times.
The Bible tells us that it’s important to be alone and quiet before the Lord.
Jesus often made it a point to go off by Himself in order to pray and rest.
Being alone can be healthy, but loneliness is a disease.
Some of you single men and women are afraid of being alone.
When you hit age twenty-five, you begin to think you’re past your prime, and so you say to yourselves, “I’m never going to get married.
I’d better latch onto the first thing that comes along.”
That’s the reason many people marry spouses who aren’t right for them.
Do you know what the problem is? They haven’t learned what it means to be a whole person.
Adam was so together as a man that he didn’t even know he was alone.
He was busy obeying God’s Word; he was so occupied with dominating, ruling, and subduing; he was so lost in what he was doing, that he didn’t know he needed somebody.
But most of us do the reverse.
We don’t have time for God because we’re busy trying to find a mate.
Some people run from church to church looking for a spouse.
They don’t go to church to worship God; instead, they walk around checking out the opposite sex.
They say, “Huh, that’s a nice one over there.
Really cool.” Instead, they’re supposed to be getting themselves together so they can be ready for the one whom God is preparing for them.
Become so preoccupied and consumed by God that you don’t walk around with a passion that’s looking for a place to happen.
Adam was so prepared for Eve that when he saw her, all he said was, “Woooo-man!”
But you see, he didn’t go looking for her.
Jesus talked about the attitude we should have when He said, in effect, “Don’t worry about what you’re going to eat, what you’re going to wear, or whom you’re going to marry.
Seek first the kingdom of God.
Become immersed in His righteousness.
Then your mate will be added to you.” (See Matthew 6:31–33.)
Become like Adam—get lost in the garden of God’s righteousness.
Get lost in God, because when He brings you a spouse, you had better understand His ways.
Adam was so busy following the command of God that, when his mate came along, he was ready, and it was the right time for him.
Take note of the following fact about SINGLENESS:
*It's the foundation of all relationships
*Failure to fix this foundation ultimately would resolve in Divided Vision (Divorce)
*Divorce is the hypothetical death of relationship and it's worst than real death
*Divorce is impossible without marriage
*Marriage is impossible without individuals
*Healthy single individuals are the prerequisites for an healthy marriage.
Therefore any marriage is as good as the singles in it...not more not less.
You bring to the marriage whatever you are as a single individual.
So if you don't like the outcome you are seeing in your marriage or relationship then check the quality of singles in it.
Now you see why is vehemently important to be single before and during marriage...'though statement right? '
This however means that what ever the single individuals are and their persona ...that's exactly what they will eventually pour into their marriage.
Permit me to list a few that often would lead to a misunderstanding due to carelessness during singlehood, this may include:
● Bad breath.
●Dirty habits.
●Belching out loud seen as an irritable habit in some ethnicity.
●Pressing toothpaste either from the top, middle or bottom...Of course being habitual rather than disgusting in nature.
● Always forgetting to flush after using the restroom.
●Always forgetting to wash hands either after using the restroom or before eating.
●Smelly socks.
●When to draw boundaries on funny jokes.
●When to draw boundaries on funny jokes.
●Sleeping with lights on or off....etc funny right!!!
If those behaviors of which some are inappropriate, aren't fix during your singlehood , your marriage will be nothing less than those lifestyles.
So what am I saying in escence, THE BETTER YOUR INTRA-PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP IS IN YOUR SINGLEHOOD THE BEST YOUR INTER-PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WOULD BECOME WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED.
Marriage doesn't improve your singleness or the lack of it but instead it exposes how single you were before getting married...because all by yourself, your persona is always safe and nobody gets know them except the once you allow people to know. But immediately you get married or in an interpersonal relationship...Oops, it will definitly become known whether good or bad, it can't be hidden anymore.
So the question now would be. ..IF YOU KNEW ALL THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT YOU NOW , "WOULD YOU MARY YOU"?????....Don't answer it....just think through it and see whether that is worth giving to another person to live with for the rest of their lives in the union called marriage.
This is how important it is to be SINGLE first before anything else.
THE MYTH OF SINGLENESS
*To be single does not equal being unmarried.
*It's okay to be Single but not good to be Alone.
*It's not a SINGLENESS PROBLEM that we have but BEING SINGLE PROBLEM.
*Never confuse singleness with being Alone.
*Relationship gets better the more single you become.
*Singleness is a state to be pursued but not to be avoided.
* To be single should be the goal of every married person because singleness increases the value you bring to the relationship and the more worth you will eventually become to your spouse.
* Singleness is what every individuals need before marriage rather than pursuing marriage then at the end of it all you do not have someone to present to whomever you meet as a spouse.
*Sigleness is God's original foundation for relationship and marriage and should remain that way.
THE PRINCIPLES,PURPOSE AND PRIORITY OF SINGLENESS
*Singleness is the most important state of human development.
*Singleness is the foundation of God's design for the human family.
*God began the human family with one single human being, not a couple.
* Single individuals are the basic component of a meaningful & healthy relationship and marriage.
*Singleness is the first building block of human society, not marriage.
*A male man was the first individual God created to sustain the human race.
*God placed him at EDEN which is interpreted as: The spot and moment were the presence of God was an open door to Heaven.
*The first thing a man needs is the Presence of God and not a partner because it's the only environment that enables him to get his purpose outlined so as to function properly.
*The male man ought to have discovered his work (Purpose and Vision for life) from this ideal environment 'Eden' before thinking about engaging into the union called marriage.
Taking a quote from the Bible in Gen.2:18...' It's not good for this single individual (Adam) to be alone therefor I will make him an helper' emphasis added.
The word ALONE in the verse is interpreted in Hebrew to be a combination of two words ALL IN ONE.
Let's look at the word ALONE (ALL IN ONE)with reference to the Bible verse
○It's not good for man to be EXCLUSIVE...One of your kind.
○It's not good for man to be ISOLATED...Having non like him.
○It's not good for man to be in SOLITARY STATE
So singleness is God's default program for the human family.
TO BE SINGLE MEANS TO BE:
SEPARATE= :
●That's being set apart from others
●Being detached from others
●Being different from others.
UNIQUE=:
● That's being original.
● Being distinctive.
● Being special.
WHOLE=:
●That's being complete.
● Being Unified .
● Being one with yourself.
● Above all to be one.
It's the above listed qualities that make you valuable and being sort after as a single individual.
It's also the list that gives you your self worth and sense of purpose.
THE BLESSING OF SINGLENESS
★It's awesome state to be pursued but not avoided.
★To be single should be the goal of every married person.
★It affords you the privelage to know who you truly are.
★It enhances focus and the discovery of oneself.
★It encourages appropriate time management.
★It impact self descipline on oneself.
★It imposses a sense of responsibility and duty to anything and everything you do.
★It gives you the room to be comfortable with yourself in other to enjoy your future partner's company.
★It makes you appreciate other single individuals opinions .
★It make you to understand and value other people's similarities and differences.
★It's an adorable and a memorable experience ordained by God as a prerequisites for marriage and relationships.
SINGLENESS WITH RESPECT TO RELATIONSHIP
●You are not ready to live with someone else until you can live with yourself.
●Your relationship can only be as good as your singleness.
●No human can meet your ego needs, soul needs and above all your Spiritual needs, you can only get them from being single.
MARRIAGE AND ALONENESS
☆Marriage doesn't solve loneliness problem but exposes it.
☆It's possible to be unmarried and not alone.
☆Marriage wasn't instituted to solve problem of being alone but rather human being were created to solve the 'aloneness ' problem.
☆Marriage is the collision of two unknown histories in one matrimonial home half of which won't be discovered or discussed among themselves.
☆Marriage is also the creation of a third family separate from the bride and grooms family and not the merging of two families to become one, this will guard against intrusion.
Until you are SEPARATE, UNIQUE AND WHOLE....you are not ready for marriage.
So don't pursue marriage first but seek and long for singleness first amongst all.
Fall in love with yourself first before you do so with others , it's the greatest thing you can ever give to someone else's .
I sincerely hope that you would go through this reading several times as possible to get the intended message that accompanies this enigmatous subject. I confer my warm wishes to you even as you thrill yourself with the reading so you can make the most of your SINGLENESS OR SINGLEHOOD.
GOD BLESS YU'LL.
GOD BLESS YU'LL.
